Who Brings Presents in Different British regions?

I’ve been getting a lot of confused comments about this post, especially from non-Brits,  so I though I should clear it up.
Lets start at the bottom and work our way up:

Old Nick

Yes, in western Cornwall, all gifts are brought by Satan, as a result of a typo in a royal charter in 1338. On Christmas Eve before bed, children put their Christmas list (written in Latin) in the centre of a pentagram, and by the time they awake something will have manifested in its place. Maybe presents. 

Joel Noel

In the rest of the West Country, Joel Noel brings Christmas gifts. He is an abnormally large pixie who dresses all in brown, and rides a magical red bull. On Christmas eve, children leave him a bowl of cider and a pasty. 

Father Christmas

Father Christmas is the traditional name for the personification of Christmas for much of southern England. These days he’s very similar to the American “Santa”, but has a quite separate and much longer history. You can read all about his history in my post here. Children leave him a mince pie and some strong alcohol.

amazon.co.uk

The people of Kent and East Sussex buy all their gifts online now to save the hassle. 

Professor X-mas

In Cambridgeshire, all gifts are brought by Professor X-mas, as legendary scholar who, according to tradition, attended Cambridge university many centuries ago, before becoming a powerful wizard. He rides over the rooftops in wheelchair pulled by 7 shug monkeys. 

Daddy Chrimbo 

Daddy Chrimbo is just another, slightly kinkier name for Father Christmas.

Replacement Bus Service

In the West Midlands, all Christmas figures have been cancelled due to recent strikes. All presents will now be brought by the replacement bus service until further notice. 

Cymrawd nadolig barfog

Cymrawd Nadolig Barfog, or “Nadolig Barf” for short, is the major figure in Wales. His name translates as “Bearded Christmas Comrade”. He is similar to Father Christmas, but rides into town on the back of a red dragon. His dragon eats naughty children, and the English. 

Odin

In Yorkshire, Odin still brings presents to good children. He rides through the sky at the head of the wild hunt, atop Sleipnir his 8 legged horse. He was left behind by the Vikings who ruled much of Northern English during the Danelaw. It’s possible that Father Christmas is also a relative of Odin, but that’s a story for another time. Children in Yorkshire must write all their lists in runes, and leave lots of ale for Odin to drink,

Gef the Talking Mongoose

In the Isle of Man, Gef, also known as the Dalby Spook, is an important folk figure. He is a magical talking mongoose (as opposed to a regular talking mongoose), and claims to have been born in New Delhi in 1852. Children must leave biscuits, chocolates and banana, in a bowl suspended from the ceiling. They must be in bed before midnight, for if they see Gef, they will surely faint.

Tabitha the Christmas Hedgehog 

In Cumbria, Tabitha brings presents in a magical bucket. She is a unique and supernatural being: unlike other British hedgehogs, who hibernate in through December, Tabitha wakes up on Christmas eve and crawls across the land bringing presents to good children, and prickling the toes of naughty ones. She is able to shrink small enough to fit though a keyhole, or grow as large as an aircraft carrier, depending on her need. Children leave a bowl of live worms or cat-food on the windowsill for Tabitha to snack on. 

Big Johny Winter

In the North East, big Johny Winter is an enormous miner who gives bags of coal to good children to help them heat their homes.  He also protects them from the Ghost of Thatcher, an evil spirit who comes and tries to take from the poor children. Children must leave 3 pints of strong ale for Big Johny to drink on his long crawl from house to house.

Old Man Puddin

Old Man Puddin, also called “Puddin Chief”, takes the form of a huge flying haggis. He is the “great chieftain o’ the puddin-race”, and subject to Rabbie Burns’ poem “Address To A Haggis”. 

Nessie

For the rest of Scotland (including the regions off the edge of this map), Nessie (AKA the Loch Ness Monster). dominates all major holidays. She is huge water creature who climbs out of Loch Ness to bring joy to the people of Scotland. She is generally invisible, but can be glimpsed by looking through the lenses of very old blurry cameras. 

 

Note: My map does not include Northern Ireland, as Christmas figures there can be controversial. But for the sake of completeness:
In Northern Ireland, the Christmas figure is called “Santa” or “Londonsanta”, depending on the background of the speaker. Make sure you don’t say the wrong one.